hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Less talking, more tequila
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
