Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
