I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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