thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
organizing the empties. That sober.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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