just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
