Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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