guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
