I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
