saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
