and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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