Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So here I am, sexting at work.
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