People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
