As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
