i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
