90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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