I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
