my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
