Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
