It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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