I got chris browned last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
