its not stalking. its research.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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