i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
