i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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