This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
