ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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