Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
