Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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