Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my poor anus
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
