Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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