i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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