ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
