I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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