i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
