you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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