her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
