can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
