His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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