the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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