too bad you live with your parents still
Just cropdusted the office
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
