I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
