So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
