She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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