angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize