just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sry I called you an 8
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
