I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When are your genitals available?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
