Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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