my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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