I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
