Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
