Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
