Do you still have your period?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
