And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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