I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
