You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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