Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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