Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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