the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
