i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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