Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
