ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
