I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
