I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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