If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize